


Sleep with the Lights On

by SugarsweetRomantic



Series: Bridget Westfall, or: The Fine Art of Self-Destruction [3]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Not Happy, Post-Season/Series 05, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 16:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14815076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugarsweetRomantic/pseuds/SugarsweetRomantic
Summary: It had become a ritual, in a way.





	Sleep with the Lights On

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Stay With Me (Unlikely)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14812935) by [oceansinmychest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceansinmychest/pseuds/oceansinmychest). 



> Lyrics used by VanVelzen.

_ Lights off, lights on _ __  
_ My endless lullaby _ _  
_ __ You're lost and I'm gone

It had become a ritual, in a way. She came home from work and immediately locked the door behind her, closing out the rest of the world; closing out everyone, especially her. It was something she had told others for as long as she could recall: everyone has their limit, and once you’re too far, the way back is a lengthy and arduous one. She had long crossed her own boundaries, and now she was paying the price. She was functioning, but she couldn’t deal; she couldn’t cope. She could only close the door and pray that tonight would be different.

__  
_ I've seen your face in the windows _ __  
_ Staring out of the shadows _ _  
_ __ So goodnight my love

There had been more occasions like the first one, where she had seen a shadow, or heard a laugh, or smelled her perfume. She could probably condone herself for the latter; her own lavender bottle of Vera Wang’s  _ Princess  _ had been left untouched on the bathroom counter for weeks now, whereas a smaller version of the other woman’s peridot-coloured eau de toilette had found its way into her handbag. Bridget had tried to convince the brunette of letting her buy her eau de parfum, but she had settled on the less-concentrated version instead, telling her: “I don’t want to smell like I’ve sprayed the entire bottle on me, Gidge.”

She knew, though, that only the first time had really been her. Only the first time, it had really been her love. Every other occasion was just hope, imagination, delusion.  _  
_

_ The night could last forever _ __  
_ But the dreams will never come _ __  
_ So until we're back together _ __  
_ I'm gonna sleep with the lights on now _ __  
  


So, her ritual continued. She threw a microwaveable meal into the appliance, and barely touched the lukewarm dish once it was sitting on the dining room table. Her neighbour knocked on the door at exactly seven-fifteen, as the elderly woman did every night, and she handed her a Tupperware container with yet another home-cooked meal. Bridget gave her last night’s empty plastic box back, while she tried not to think too hard of the food she had thrown into the trash yesterday. 

__  
_ I can't close my eyes _ __  
_ Cause if I do, you come to mind _ _  
_ __ Godspeed sunrise

Afterwards, she turned on the shower and washed her body and hair on auto-pilot under a stream of warm water. She never looked into the mirror after her shower. She couldn’t stand the sight of her pale skin and the deep, dark circles underneath her normally so bright eyes. Her (“way too expensive, Gidge”) moisturiser sat on a shelf underneath the bathroom sink. Self-care didn’t go beyond hydration of the organs these days. Hydration of her skin could come when she had more energy to do so.    _  
_

_ Every sleep is a memory _ __  
_ In this bed you are next to me _ _  
_ __ So goodnight my love

She always started off in her, their - her, their - her bed. She turned the lights off, and waited for sleep to come, but it never did. The memories never failed to appear, though, and they consumed her entire being while she desperately shut her eyes and begged every Deity she could think of to just let her sleep, even if just for a few hours.  _  
_

_ The night could last forever _ __  
_ But the dreams will never come _ __  
_ So until we're back together _ _  
_ __ I'm gonna sleep with the lights on now

At around three in the morning, she gave up, and turned the lights back on. Bridget grabbed a glass of water - no more alcohol; it messed with her head too much - and sat down on the sofa, turning the TV on to the rerun of the late-night news. When the announcer began the standard notice about felons on the run, she zapped to a nature documentary. Slowly, she began dozing on the couch until a commercial came on, startling her awake. She sighed and turned the television back off, walking back out into the hallway. She couldn’t stand being in that bed, so she turned to the opposite door and crawled onto the pull-out bed in her study, normally reserved for unexpected guests. Everything ached, but her heart ached the most.  _  
_

_ Meet me halfway to my sleep _ __  
_ Where the day and nighttime meet _ _  
_ __ Only you can save me from the dark

When the sun rose and birds began chirping their happy tunes, Bridget opened her eyes. The cycle began anew. _  
_

_ The night could last forever _ __  
_ But the dreams will never come _ __  
_ So until we're back together _ __  
_ I never trust myself alone _ __  
_ I pray that dreams will never come _ __  
_ So goodnight my love _ __  
_ I'm gonna sleep with the lights on now _ __  
_ Yeah sleep with the lights on now _ _  
_ __ Gonna sleep with the lights on now

 

**Author's Note:**

> I heard the song, and I had to write it. Please, I'd love to hear what you thought, and thank you for reading. <3


End file.
